They choose to remain silent rather than have an argument. Defender: When one of the partners feels attacked, they tend to defend themselves and refuse to take responsibility for the issue. How to Handle Arguments in a Relationship Active listening. In order to create a safe and respectful environment to work out an argument, it is first important to determine the main issue. Being dismissive of the other person’s emotions, Using the silent treatment or storming off, Using personal attacks or abusive tactics, and refusing. But you can restrict them to big issues, and avoid arguing over trivial things. “You won’t even listen to me when I have something to say.”, “Good, when you know it, stay away from me.”, If you want to break this cycle, listen to what your partner has to say, and request them to listen to you. Keep your cool, and say, “There’s no way we can have a conversation if you withdraw and keep silent.” If you are the person who is being silent, you need to see your partner’s perspective and understand his/her feelings and then share yours. Often, our body’s autonomic response system will make us behave inappropriately when stressed or angry. Arguments over little things can be a wake-up call to take charge of your relationship. MomJunction tells you why people argue in relationships constantly, and how they can come out of it. They could bounce around or lead you onto an irrelevant path. This will give your body and mind a chance to cool down. The point of an argument is to find a solution. If it is impossible to terminate a relationship based on proximity (family, neighbors, and coworkers), then you may need to set firm boundaries and interact on an as-needed basis. You can’t fix anything if you don’t comprehend the issue. By understanding the other persons’ needs, as well as your own, you can positively support the connection. Of course, this may lead to further arguing (who wants to be told they don’t fight fair? They can fall into five broad categories: 1. We hope this was helpful. In fact, arguments by a couple are said to strengthen their bond. Open mindedness. Be okay with that. As someone rightly said, “The purpose of a relationship is not to find the right partner but to be the right partner.” When you take care of that everything else falls in place. “I hear you saying…is this correct?”). Advantages and Disadvantages of Living in a Joint Family, 200+ Funny, Random This-Or-That Questions For Couples, 250+ Fun And Intimate Questions To Ask A Guy Over Text. See a medical professional for personalized consultation. When they are mad, they pause to calm down. Arguing in relationship can be healthy in the following ways: When you are in a relationship you need to work towards a common goal while also nurturing your individual goals. Whether the other person is your spouse, sibling, parent, child, neighbor, or coworker, it is important that you don’t let differences drive a wedge between you and the people in your life. Controller: Some couples are control freaks; they dominate and control their partner in every possible way. In fact, such arguments can make your relationship healthy. While listening, pay attention to only what the speaker has to say. Here are some important questions to ask yourself before, during, and after an argument: These questions may be difficult to answer, but it’s important to understand the real reasons behind your fighting. If safety is a concern, seek assistance immediately. But fighting doesn’t have to damage or even destroy a relationship. By equipping yourself with good listening skills and supportive arguing techniques, you can help shift a potential deal breaker into an opportunity to learn more about the people in your life. Learning to argue in a healthy manner is an important facet of a working civilization. In fact, conflict is a necessary spark that ensures growth and balance. They then deal with the sensitive issue via quiet, cooperative talking.”. It could be a bad habit such as nagging, hen-pecking, or criticizing. This behavior will only add confusion to the argument (and it’s unfair). Couples in it for the long-haul don't shy away from discussing topics that … Using supportive arguing techniques. Or worse, you could constantly fight with family members, unable to escape the incessant drama. They could signal a bigger problem. Get your free and comprehensive eBook on The Beginners Guide to Meditation, MITM is meant to be that place that provides for you the next level resource pool to help you expand, but with a singular focus. It’s not about how often one fights but rather how one fights. Don’t come to the argument thinking it is a waste of time. Come to it as if you really want to solve this problem (because you care, right?). Although each person and relationship is unique, humans can have common problems that cause arguing and conflict (these are dependent upon the relationship type): In each of these cases, the root issues can cause a host of fights that can diminish the quality of the relationship. How to follow through may be a delicate process, but it is a good idea to “reset” by taking at least a. . 3. Every human relationship experiences conflict. But you don’t have to be an English major or bold orator to communicate effectively. Remain present. Divorce Decree: What Is It And When Is It Issued? It requires both of you to make compromises so that you are in love with each other. There may also come a moment when silence fills the room. Maintain your attention and listen with intention. Criticizer: Some are highly critical of their partners; they end up calling names or get verbally abusive. Be okay with that. By using direct, specific language to describe your needs and emotions, you will get to the heart of the matter, and your partner will know (instead of guess) what is bothering you. ), but at least you can begin to separate the ugly behavior during an argument with the issues that need addressing. Healthy relationships are not void of arguments. But you can analyze this only if you take a break from your arguments. 7. “Don’t spend without telling me”, or “Why didn’t you message me before going out?”, If your partner is a controller, you can break the pattern by saying, “I’d appreciate it if you can let me be by myself and give me my space. Absorb what the other person is saying with an open mind. Of course, this may lead to further arguing (who wants to be told they don’t fight fair? So often, we hear only the argument from our side, in our brain, while the other person is talking, but by engaging in active listening (and sharing this information with your partner), you can ensure that you are truly understanding the issue at hand. Any timeout should last no longer than 24 hours. If you really want to know how to deal with arguments in a relationship, you need to look right into the problem. Find out what kind of a arguer you are, and we’ll show you how you can make small changes and have a happier relationship, with few conflicts and fewer painful moments. What needs of yours are not being met? I would like to do things my way while keeping you informed.”. Deal with the situation on hand with a calm mind. You are in this argument, so learn something from it. Once you have established the rules or discussed healthy arguing techniques, hold each other and yourself accountable. For example, if you get into an argument because your spouse neglected to clean up the kitchen, it’s not the mess in the kitchen that has you upset. How could your needs be better met (and how can you ask your partner to meet your needs)? Ask for what you need. Focus on body language, emotions, and verbal cues. Listen For A Minute Subscribe for updates and tips on how you can intentionally live your best life. Try and alter your point of view, keeping your attitude positive and open. Clinical psychologist and marriage expert Susan Heitler says, “My own belief is that emotionally mature and skillful couples don’t fight at all. with your partner. Being a good listener takes effort. Since … Often, people will use manipulation or will be defensive as a way to make themselves look better, but this deflection will only confuse the process. If you want your spouse to spend more time with the kids, you can say, “Why don’t you take them out to the fun zone, they like playing with you there.”Or, “I am going out with my friends; please take care of kids in my absence.”. Don’t instigate your partner to talk. For instance, instead of saying, “You are such a lousy guy; you never take up any responsibility”, you could say, “I am getting really drained out doing everything by myself, can we please share the responsibilities?”. Once you’ve hit the objective, the argument is over. They want to be the decision makers. They could bounce around or lead you onto an irrelevant path. If your arguments are spiraling out of control, it may be best to set aside time to discuss how to argue with your partner. Try and address their emotions and needs directly, and work to improve the situation before it leads to resentment. “I hear you saying…is this correct?”). While no one likes to argue, especially with individuals who don’t fight fair, conflict can be healthy when the players are informed and willing to move through their differences. Your co-operation is highly appreciated and we hope our service can be worth it. Instead of lashing out or avoiding the person, try to understand why they seem needy.